So That Was No Longer An Option

When the forecast says it’s going to rain in Kansas City, you can’t really trust it. The forecast in Kansas City is actually almost never correct. If you were to go up to a weatherman and ask him for the chances of what he just said, he would probably say, “I don’t know. Your guess is as good as mine.” I mean, that’s how unpredictable our shit is. And we know it.

Needless to stay, I didn’t pay attention to the forecast last night when they were saying big storms were coming. My dad was rattling off about how it was going to be the storm of the century while I was doing laundry at their house. Because, yeah, I still go to my parents’ to do laundry. (I used my own detergent and dryer sheets. Don’t think I’m moochin’!) I was there to do laundry, watch New Girl with my dad, and eat all of their food.

So, of course, I drove home in the worst of the storm last night. It was perfectly clear until I got to the stretch of highway before the river. Yup. Just a straight sheet of green in front of me while I drove over the Missouri River. I couldn’t see but five feet in front of me, and my adrenaline was pumping. I even took a page out of my mom’s book and unlocked the doors and had my elbow positioned so I could roll the window down if I went off the side of the bridge.

That’s how super intense it was.

Just straight couldn’t see any buildings downtown. I stopped for a moment under a bridge just to gather my thoughts and call my dad to make sure there wasn’t any rotation nearby. THAT’S HOW BAD IT WAS.

On a low stretch of highway, I got stuck in basically a lake. My car sits low to the ground so after I hydroplaned, I was trudging water off the front bumper and going much slower than I had been. Of course a semi truck drove up on my ass and basically tried to hit me while he was honking. But my car was submerged and wouldn’t go any faster, and if he had been PAYING ATTENTION he would have seen that I had just hydroplaned.

When I got home I just wanted to drink wine and watch HBO. After running through the downpour and the mud (having abandoned my freshly washed clothes and bedsheets in the car), I was sitting in my apartment ready to watch TV. I realized pretty quickly that I left my wine in the car.

So that was no longer an option.

I went to turn on my ChromeCast, and it asked me to re-connect. I scrolled through my phone looking for my WiFi and it wasn’t an option. Cool. Turns out that when lightning hit the transformer right outside my room the night before (Yeah. That happened. Surprised I didn’t pee my pants.), it took my modem and/or router with it. The television is fine, in case anyone is wondering (I was gonna replace the damn thing soon anyway.), but the devices to give me my internet are, forlornly, not.

Instead of the well-planned out end to my evening, I plugged in a short string of multi-colored Christmas lights, turned my stick fan on, and curled up in a ball on my futon as the storm raged on.

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