My awesome friend Kayla shared this fun post on her Facebook page this morning. So, of course, this has inspired a new blog post from me. And you get to read it, you lucky duck! I’ll admit, I didn’t make a list of boyfriend rules at the age of 6 or 9 like these adorable girls did. But I did make a couple of lists of “musts” when I was in college. At that time, I was meeting the same type of guy over and over. Bro tanks, Ray bans, board shorts, and seriously slow minds won out at my university in San Diego. So, of course, I didn’t date in college. And that’s fine. But it doesn’t mean I didn’t think about priorities for the day when I would get stuck with one person. Or blessed, I should say. Who cares? My boyfriend doesn’t read this.
So I know you’re all dying to know what kind of list I would have. I’m at work, so I don’t have access to my old lists. But I thought it’d be fun to make a list of my own. Why not? Well, I also went to the trouble of enlisting the help of a very good friend of mine named Faith. We are both at work while a lot of people are snowed in (or sledding somewhere), so we thought this would be the perfect time to daydream. So check out our fun list below, and then let us know what you’re looking for in a soul mate! Or in a friend. We all have expectations, right? And yes, Faith and I ARE impressive. That isn’t a typo.
1. Be able to exercise correct grammar and syntax.
2. Must understand at least 73% of my pop culture references.
3. Must be willing to travel to random sports complexes (See also: adventure).
4. Willing to shovel other peoples’ driveways out of the goodness of his heart. (AKA will do nice things for others without being asked. Not always. That’d be crazy. But sometimes.)
5. Must be able to incorporate Family Guy references into everyday conversation.
6. Displays some sense of personal hygiene. Really, this isn’t debatable. We enjoy a well-kempt person. If you smell funny, you should fix it. You should brush your teeth regularly and if your breath is noticeably bad, we will inform you. In public. Perhaps at the expense of your dignity. You’re welcome.
7. Must love dogs. (But don’t come around me smelling like dog breath.)
8. Must (publicly) display respect for all people. Must ALWAYS display respect for me.
9. Must be able to fix my car. Or, in the instances you do not know what is going on, be assertive in finding the solution.
10. Willing to ask advice/questions in any situation when I am too prideful to do so myself. Normally, this would be a guy thing to ask of a girl, but I demonstrate the “too much pride” trait. So if I want to know if a coupon has expired in a drive-thru, you can ask them.
11. Must tolerate the seven meals I know how to cook. If you dislike my cooking, be polite and offer to help. Also, be OK with the fact that I don’t discriminate when it comes to food. Unless you have a food allergy, I will test the waters on basically anything. And I will eat donuts. A lot.
12. Is sometimes willing to dress up and spoil me with a nice date. Not always. But sometimes.
13. Must appreciate even numbers.
14. Will put me on a pedestal. Not really. But maybe 42% of the time. Looks out for your well-being. Be it emotional, physical, or otherwise. (You need someone who will keep your best interests in mind.)
15. Must open the door for me–but not the car door. (Har. Har.)
16. Have some respect for other peoples’ time. This is a no-brainer. If you know you’re a habitually late person, plan to be with me at 5 when I don’t need you there until 6. This way, you may still get there early and everyone wins.
17. Be willing to defend my honor. But if I’m being a raging bitch, probably just extract me from the situation.
18. Be personable. And by this, I mean have a sense of humor. I enjoy dry, sarcastic humor. But I also enjoy it when the timing is right. So, one last thing I might need would be:
19. Have a sense of self. Be yourself. Love yourself. Know when to be inappropriate and when to be professional. Know when to push my buttons and when to stay quiet. Be perfect. Basically, be a robot.
In the end, we hope you always remember that boys have cooties. And girls are terrible people. So don’t date a boy or a girl ever, no matter what gender you are. It’s just a bad idea. You are your own best friend. This has been a Public Service Announcement provided by Faith and Meredith.