A year and a half ago, my darling sister took this photo of me. She was taking head shots of me because sometimes it’s fun to be the subject of a photo shoot instead of always behind the lens. At the time, I was not a fan of the photos. Not because she didn’t do a magnificent job of catching the light, or because she was an amateur of any sort. But anytime I get my photos taken, I am very aware of the way that I look.
I’m not going to lie to you, I know I’m not ugly. But I am also one of those people that gets ready once in a day and won’t do things to fix myself much after. Today, I was at work and I had made the mistake of putting vaseline on my eyebrows to reduce peeling (don’t act like you don’t understand what winter weather does to your scalp and eyebrows). Instead, all of the dust and some peely things from my head landed on my eyebrows. And stuck. And NO ONE HAD THE DECENCY TO TELL ME. Even my MOTHER works with me and didn’t say anything. I’m talking to you too, Chris! I went to the restroom a couple of hours in and–luckily–happened to glance at the mirror.
But that’s the thing. I try not to look at myself too much. I see people walk past cars and windows and look at their reflection as much as possible. I’ve done it too. But I honestly try not to. I avoid looking at myself, for fear that there will be something to fixate on. And, honestly, sometimes I don’t have the self esteem to deal with the way I look constantly. So, to avoid issue, I do my hair once and I do my makeup once. I don’t carry a makeup bag and I just rely on people telling me if something is messed up. SO SPEAK UP PEOPLE. I NEED YOU.
And, when you get right down to the bottom of it, this quote that I put on that photo is beyond true. For everyone. I chose this photo to post on BreakThru Radio’s Facebook page to promote an editorial piece for Friday. The quote was taken from that piece. I didn’t just go, “Oh, look how beautiful I am in this weird ass photo of me!” I just thought… well, the sun is casting pretty light. And my makeup and my hair look okay. It’s just a normal day for a total geek and everyone deserves to look at the weirdest pictures of themselves and find beauty in them.
So I did.
P.S. I’ve clearly made peace with the photo shoot. In retrospect, I don’t hate any photos of me. They look better and better as the time passes.