Translation May Be Required

Going through my phone, I found many, many memos. This is a fun one that I remember very vividly. I will share it, word for word with you, and then provide an explanation at the bottom (although you may not deem one necessary):

Got on a train going the wrong way. Realized it after one stop. Didn’t get off. This guy was a pimp. Red hat, sunglasses, furry black coat. Talking about how we hate on him but he is recession-proof. He is a loaner, not a borrower. God loves him and Obama is real and they gonna try to shoot him and when they do we better get our passports and get out the country cuz every city will be burning down. They can’t beat him. Michael Jackson abused drugs and died. This guy loves his enemies until they have an asthma attack. Until they get sick and catch disease. He loves his enemies too much.

I can’t recall where I was going, but I did get on the subway going north instead of south. I wasn’t used to getting on at 59th St., so the train options got confusing. Anyway, what is done is done. And this guy’s lecture kept me amused on my commute. He was sitting across the car from me. He was dressed as described above and very entertainingly so. I glanced at him, but after that I busied myself with something (probably my phone… awkward tendency). People were flat out staring at him. Broad daylight, openly-judgmental staring at him. Granted, it was nighttime but it should NOT have gone down that way. And this guy got SO defensive. So he went off on this rant. As stated above. Most of what I typed were direct quotations. He was very adamant about EVERYONE in the car knowing that his profession as a pimp was respectable. That he was loaning people out, not borrowing people. And that him loaning was better than the middle or upper class citizens borrowing–his implication was borrowing of money that they did not have. He was telling us how rich he was because he had money and he was giving his money and his women out on loan which made him better than all of us. Then he went on a rant about Obama–because, don’t they all?–and about Michael Jackson abusing things. But this guy, he does NOT abuse things. So he won’t die. And he also loves everyone. He loves everyone in that subway car and all of his enemies. What I am unsure of is if he was telling us we were his enemies… and he was definitely preaching to–yelling at–all of us. And to me, that’s not fair. Because I did not stare at him judgmentally or verbally mention anything about him. I was just trying to get from Point A to Point B and he was clearly judging me. On what grounds, only you can be the judge.

I don’t know how many enemies this guy has, but he made it seem like quite a few. And also, how many of them have died? Did they all have asthma attacks? Did they all die of disease? Is he hindered because he loves people too much? This is just confusing and my brain can’t handle it.

Also, I want to dress like him for Halloween.


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